The difference between then and now is MINDSET.
Are migraines happening to me? Or are migraines happening for me?
As humans, our nature is to avoid pain. If we touch a hot stove, we burn our hand. So next time, we check the stove first to see if it is hot, in order to avoid pain.
What happens when we experience pain that isn’t so clear cut, like a migraine? What happens when migraine pain (and the full body experience that comes with migraine) seems to come out of nowhere?
For me, I started to feel fear, anxiety and paranoia. … around anything and everything. And as soon as I felt that pain, I wanted it to go away. Because I hate pain SO MUCH!
But little by little, I am trying to change this mindset that I’ve had for so many years. I am trying to experience migraines in a new way: with a mindset of curiosity, not fear.
Migraine, what are you trying to tell me? What are you trying to protect me from?
Migraine, am I being loving toward myself enough? Am I taking care of myself lately?
Am I connecting with my spiritual side, or putting it off?
Am I connecting with friends and family?
Am I giving back in any way to the world around me?
Am I doing the things I love each day, that move me toward joy and fulfillment, that make me feel alive?
Am I keeping a Gratitude list and feeling thankful for all of the things I have?
Practice makes perfect progress!
Whether I experience the pain of migraines or not, that is not the point right now.
Each day I am working toward having a curious mindset, where migraine is my friend, trying to warn me about something. What is that something? I’m not sure yet.
But I feel like this is the key to healing.
When the migraine pain goes away, depression and anxiety come out to play.
Honestly, I will take emotional distress over migraine pain. Because being stuck in bed in unbearable pain, and going in and out of the Emergency Room is the worst. My depression and anxiety have been horrible, but at least I can go to a therapist and read books and come up with strategies to battle my mind demons.
This past week, I am finally healing, little by little, and I am breathing a HUGE sigh of relief.
Understanding chronic pain has been a really hard journey. Recently, I found a website with a really interesting perspective. I thought I would share it here, because it has been helping me, and maybe it will help you too. http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
Thank you online friends for all of your support! Your comments and likes have helped pull me through this crazy time in my life. ❤
Migraine Day 7. AGAIN! I am holding on to my sanity, trying to survive with every fiber of my being. This pain is relentless and barely bearable.
Time for some baby steps to making a few changes in my life. I have to at least *try.* What I’m doing isn’t working for me.
So here it goes…
Making little dietary changes and little exercise changes each day will hopefully decrease my pain levels and medication usage. I don’t want to end up in the Emergency Room again, but the idea is shelved in the back of mind, just in case.
I hope everyone else is doing better out there. I wish the doctors had more answers and more *concrete* suggestions to help us with migraines. I’m definitely not giving up hope, but dang, WHY ISN’T THERE MORE RESEARCH?!?!
In other news, I left my job. I ended up *back* on medical leave for the last month and I just cannot continue. Everyone around me is immediately asking me, “So where will you work now?” NOWHERE! I need a break. I need to take some time to myself and re-evaluate. Even though I am fearful of this big change (I worked there for 5 1/2 years, on and off for 11 years!), I think my health needs to take priority right now.
I’m hangin in there, off the edge of a cliff… diggin’ my claws in, never giving up!
The first 2 weeks of July were a nice change. I woke up feeling the migraine twinge, but the beast stayed away. Day after day, little by little, I started to feel a little more normal. I got out of the pain cycle. IT WAS SO NICE! I had a lovely break from this migraine life and was able to do some really fun things with family and friends.
But it didn’t last, sadly.
I am now stuck in Migraine hell, Day 5 today. 5 days in a row of utter misery.
I am about to lose my dang mind. I am holding on to threads of sanity.
Depression won’t leave me alone, which really doesn’t help the state I am in.
I can’t wait for this to pass. I wish I could do something productive despite the pain, but it is overwhelming me right now. I go back and forth between despair and acceptance. I understand that I have this condition, but WHY?! I did nothing differently, not to my knowledge. And I can handle 1 day of sitting around in my hot dark room. But 5 days in a row? Frick.
Waiting to be saved…