Migraines almost every day for the last week.
And I am so tired.
The pain has been driving me absolutely insane.
Anyone out there understand??
Chronic migraines are an ever-changing struggle. I have good days in a row, and I start to feel almost “normal.” And then I have bad day after bad day that has me wondering, “will I EVER feel that normalcy again?”
Up and down on the pain rollercoaster.
This week, I had an appointment with my neurologist to discuss treatment options.
I’ve been seeing the same doc for years… and he just seems kinda… lost. I’m a hard case, because most of the things we tried have actually made me worse. And none have really helped.
I had to ask for a referral. I am LONG overdue for seeing a new doctor. I need a MIGRAINE SPECIALIST, not just a neurologist.
I know my neuro wants to help, but at this point, I need another opinion.
SO *fingers crossed*… I’m waiting for insurance approval, and then I can set up an appointment.
Such is the life.
The difference between then and now is MINDSET.
Are migraines happening to me? Or are migraines happening for me?
As humans, our nature is to avoid pain. If we touch a hot stove, we burn our hand. So next time, we check the stove first to see if it is hot, in order to avoid pain.
What happens when we experience pain that isn’t so clear cut, like a migraine? What happens when migraine pain (and the full body experience that comes with migraine) seems to come out of nowhere?
For me, I started to feel fear, anxiety and paranoia. … around anything and everything. And as soon as I felt that pain, I wanted it to go away. Because I hate pain SO MUCH!
But little by little, I am trying to change this mindset that I’ve had for so many years. I am trying to experience migraines in a new way: with a mindset of curiosity, not fear.
Migraine, what are you trying to tell me? What are you trying to protect me from?
Migraine, am I being loving toward myself enough? Am I taking care of myself lately?
Am I connecting with my spiritual side, or putting it off?
Am I connecting with friends and family?
Am I giving back in any way to the world around me?
Am I doing the things I love each day, that move me toward joy and fulfillment, that make me feel alive?
Am I keeping a Gratitude list and feeling thankful for all of the things I have?
Practice makes perfect progress!
Whether I experience the pain of migraines or not, that is not the point right now.
Each day I am working toward having a curious mindset, where migraine is my friend, trying to warn me about something. What is that something? I’m not sure yet.
But I feel like this is the key to healing.
When the migraine pain goes away, depression and anxiety come out to play.
Honestly, I will take emotional distress over migraine pain. Because being stuck in bed in unbearable pain, and going in and out of the Emergency Room is the worst. My depression and anxiety have been horrible, but at least I can go to a therapist and read books and come up with strategies to battle my mind demons.
This past week, I am finally healing, little by little, and I am breathing a HUGE sigh of relief.
Understanding chronic pain has been a really hard journey. Recently, I found a website with a really interesting perspective. I thought I would share it here, because it has been helping me, and maybe it will help you too. http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
Thank you online friends for all of your support! Your comments and likes have helped pull me through this crazy time in my life. ❤