^ This website is a total game-changer for me.
I am learning how to relate to my pain differently, and it has been helping me SO MUCH.
I was at rock bottom after the 17 day migraine streak, thinking I couldn’t go on another day in that much pain. It was terrifying. I was deep in the depression and anxiety pit, so scared that the migraine beast wouldn’t leave me alone.
But now I am changing my relationship to the pain, and how I think about it…
I think it’s making a difference! Which is very exciting, because I needed a change–a mindshift.
This chronic pain journey is really intense. I feel like I am always learning something new. I move forward, and I have setbacks. But changing my relationship with pain is important.
I don’t want to live in fear anymore. I don’t want to be paranoid. And I don’t want to battle my body every day. I want to be friends with it again. I want to feel safe and comfortable in my own skin. I am taking baby steps to make this happen. Instead of hating the migraine part of myself, I am learning to love all of me.
I am a person who suffers from chronic migraine attacks. They are random and extremely painful. I also suffer from bouts of depression, anxiety, and insomnia.
But lately, I am trying to move past those labels and live the best life I can live.
I am trying to focus on “healing” instead of “pain”, which is very tricky for someone who has been so focused on “pain avoidance.” I am adding in more tools for de-stressing. I try to do good things for myself with the purpose and intention of “this will calm me down” or “this will make me happy.”
I used to spend a LOT of free time researching migraines. Now I try to spend less time on research in general. And when I do research, I try to look up positive articles, like “re-wiring my nervous system.”
I am trying to avoid the trap of paranoia, worrying that every headache will turn into a migraine. I pop the pills I need to take, and then I find a good distraction.
I am trying to take care of myself on my good days, and spend less time worrying about the black holes of time I miss when I have bad days.
Am I still in the habit of berating myself for not being normal? Not as much. I am more accepting of my condition and its limitations. I am trying not to get as frustrated when I miss out or have to cancel plans. This condition does not make me a bad person. Sometimes I feel like one, because I am not reliable like I wish I could be. Just because I have certain (really negative) thoughts in my brain doesn’t mean they are true.
I’ve been going through the ups and downs of this roller-coaster life. Sometimes it’s hard to write in this blog because of the dramatic emotional changes that occur constantly. I’ve had moments of feeling “normal” that make me SO elated and blissful, and I want to write in this blog, “OMG, I AM DOING AMAZING! 🙂 ” …which is soon followed by pain and depression and negative thoughts like, “OMG, I CAN’T STAND BEING ALIVE WITH THIS TORTUROUS PAIN ANYMORE!”
Feelings are temporary, and knowing that is comforting. I enjoy the good moments while I can, and when I am in a bad moment, I know that I will feel good again.
Do you think this idea is controversial?: If my body can learn the patterns of migraine (plus depression and anxiety), then my body can also learn patterns of healing.
This is my main focus right now–researching how to heal myself.
Can I find new patterns and habits that will trigger healing in my body?
I feel like I have been caught up in this pain cycle, where anytime I start to feel better, I think it won’t last. I’m trying to get myself out of that pattern of thinking. I am trying to extend the pain breaks and not be fearful of the next migraine attack.
Can my body memorize what the pain breaks feel like so I can stay feeling better for longer periods of time?
This idea is worth exploring to me. Because taking different pills and trying Botox did not make me better. Instead, I am going to keep doing research on epigenetics and neuroplasticity. Which is basically about turning off the “dis-ease” genes and turning on the “healing” genes. And neuroplasticity is about rewiring your neurological system and creating new patterns in your body. A lot of this is done with meditation and changing your core beliefs.
Time for a new Kelly Alive.
Can it be done?
…Only time will tell!
How AMAZING is it to go a few days in a row without a migraine?!?!? Hallelujah, thank you! I needed that.
I’ve been sick, but experiencing fewer migraines in the last couple of weeks. Of course I am playing the guessing game, wondering what could be helping me the most. Is it the chiropractor visits? Is it the daily 10 minute meditations using the app Headspace? Or is it random?
Since I’ve been sick, I’ve been spending lots of time at home… But not in my normal overwhelming pain state. So I am actually learning how to enjoy being stuck in my room/cave and learning how to relax. I didn’t realize I was so bad at relaxing!
I watched a REALLY AMAZING documentary on Netflix called “Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru.” And now I am reading one of his books as well. He has really interesting life strategies. Check him out if you haven’t yet!
I also started reading “You Are the Placebo” by Dr. Joe Dispenza, which talks about the mind-body connection. SO SO good!! I have to thank my friend at https://hopevsheadaches.wordpress.com/ for her recommendation! I’m loving the book so far.
It’s amazing what a few days off of migraines will do to clear out the brain fog. I hope this lasts! *Fingers crossed*