Hangin’ off the edge of a cliff by my claws

Migraine Day 7.  AGAIN!  I am holding on to my sanity, trying to survive with every fiber of my being.  This pain is relentless and barely bearable.

Time for some baby steps to making a few changes in my life.  I have to at least *try.*  What I’m doing isn’t working for me.

So here it goes…

Making little dietary changes and little exercise changes each day will hopefully decrease my pain levels and medication usage.  I don’t want to end up in the Emergency Room again, but the idea is shelved in the back of mind, just in case.

I hope everyone else is doing better out there.  I wish the doctors had more answers and more *concrete* suggestions to help us with migraines.  I’m definitely not giving up hope, but dang, WHY ISN’T THERE MORE RESEARCH?!?!

In other news, I left my job.  I ended up *back* on medical leave for the last month and I just cannot continue.  Everyone around me is immediately asking me, “So where will you work now?”  NOWHERE!  I need a break.  I need to take some time to myself and re-evaluate.  Even though I am fearful of this big change (I worked there for 5 1/2 years, on and off for 11 years!), I think my health needs to take priority right now.

I’m hangin in there, off the edge of a cliff… diggin’ my claws in, never giving up!

 

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Time to see all the doctors

To anyone reading this, I hope you had a great weekend!

Mine was pretty traumatic.

Saturday was Day 7 in Migraine Hell and the pain was the worst I’ve felt in a really long time.  I could barely move from the couch.  I took all the meds I possibly could, trying to avoid going to the ER…

…But I ended up there anyway.  At 1 am, I finally gave in.  I should have gone at 1 pm–12 hours earlier–but I was being stubborn.  I learned my lesson the hard way.  Luckily, there weren’t too many people in the ER at 1 am, so even though “migraine” doesn’t typically get treated quickly in the Emergency Room, I had blood work done and was lying in a hospital bed in a dark room within an hour.

Unfortunately, luck wasn’t on my side.  They gave me a “cocktail” of medications through an IV (plus fluids), and *something* triggered an insane panic attack.  I was stuck there, thinking I was dying, and I just wanted to go home.  SO TERRIFYING!  I received another medication, and this one calmed me down enough to fall half asleep.  Sometime after 5 am, I was feeling “better” (aka super out of it) and I was able to go home to sleep.

Yesterday was recovery day at home.  I still  felt panicky and had a less-evil migraine to deal with.

And now today is Monday.  I am making appointments to go see allllllll the doctors.  Back to my primary, back to my neurologist, back to the chiropractor (although that’s a given, since I always see him every other week )… going to get another MRI done… and I have to schedule an appointment with an ENT about TMJ.

What a life.  I am only 30 years old.  Been dealing with this crap for 16 years.  Too much pain.  After I just had a couple good weeks at the beginning of July!  When will it get better?  Will I ever be normal?

*Fingers crossed*

…Better, and now bad again

The first 2 weeks of July were a nice change.  I woke up feeling the migraine twinge, but the beast stayed away.  Day after day, little by little, I started to feel a little more normal.  I got out of the pain cycle.  IT WAS SO NICE!  I had a lovely break from this migraine life and was able to do some really fun things with family and friends.

But it didn’t last, sadly.

I am now stuck in Migraine hell, Day 5 today.  5 days in a row of utter misery.

I am about to lose my dang mind.  I am holding on to threads of sanity.

Depression won’t leave me alone, which really doesn’t help the state I am in.

I can’t wait for this to pass.  I wish I could do something productive despite the pain, but it is overwhelming me right now.  I go back and forth between despair and acceptance.  I understand that I have this condition, but WHY?!  I did nothing differently, not to my knowledge.  And I can handle 1 day of sitting around in my hot dark room.  But 5 days in a row?  Frick.

Waiting to be saved…

Back on Track

The migraine roller-coaster has taken me to some low places lately.  Some days are incredibly challenging to get through.

Yesterday and today I finally felt a little upswing.  How interesting… my low pain days are also good mood days.  I am still looking for any kind of pattern or hint at what brings me down, and what can help bring me up.  I am still searching.

I started a new book called “Cure: A Journey into the Science of Mind Over Body” by Jo Marchant.  I am 30 pages in and loving it.  🙂

New month, new beginning.  Here’s to holding on to hope and making the best life outta this migraine-filled existence!