I am trying to claw my way out of the depression pit, little by little. I read motivational quotes. I read different books with all kinds of approaches to staying positive and re-directing negative thoughts.
But after I finally made it to work today after almost 2 weeks of missing out, a horrible migraine forced me to come home early. And now it’s Friday night, and I am forced to stay at home, dosed up on migraine medication that isn’t helping.
I am trying to stay positive and I am trying not to go further into the pit, but here’s the problem:
My personality, my soul, my being… I feel like it is slowly suffocating by being isolated at home in pain. I don’t know how to relax. I don’t know how to just be. The pain is screaming at me to pay attention to it. And I don’t want to be stuck at home listening to it. But there isn’t a sufficient enough distraction.
I know I can get through this terrible night, just like I have done so so so so SO MANY other times. But I can’t help but cry. I can’t help but be disappointed by my body.
I will do my best. I will take care of myself. I will survive. I know tomorrow is another day. But I also can’t deny how sad this is. How lonely this is. And how scary the physical pain is.