Can I stay positive?

I am trying to claw my way out of the depression pit, little by little.  I read motivational quotes. I read different books with all kinds of approaches to staying positive and re-directing negative thoughts.

But after I finally made it to work today after almost 2 weeks of missing out, a horrible migraine forced me to come home early.  And now it’s Friday night, and I am forced to stay at home, dosed up on migraine medication that isn’t helping.

I am trying to stay positive and I am trying not to go further into the pit, but here’s the problem:

My personality, my soul, my being… I feel like it is slowly suffocating by being isolated at home in pain.  I don’t know how to relax. I don’t know how to just be.  The pain is screaming at me to pay attention to it.  And I don’t want to be stuck at home listening to it. But there isn’t a sufficient enough distraction.

I know I can get through this terrible night, just like I have done so so so so SO MANY other times.  But I can’t help but cry.  I can’t help but be disappointed by my body.

I will do my best.  I will take care of myself.  I will survive.  I know tomorrow is another day.  But I also can’t deny how sad this is.  How lonely this is.  And how scary the physical pain is.

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8 responses

  1. It can be difficult enough dealing with anxiety and depression as it is. Never-mind with the added factor of physical pain coming into the equation. With me it only takes the tiniest of triggers to turn a good day into a bad one, so I can certainly see where you’re coming from.

    I hope the pain passes soon! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the kind words. It can be so difficult! Here’s to the good moments, may they last a long time… and to the bad moments, may we survive and thrive despite them.
      -Kelly

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so so sorry to know you are suffering so bad. Just know that it will get better. When you can’t escape the pain I know how frustrating and isolating it feels. Have you ever tried meditation? At first it was hard to do but now it’s the only thing that makes my migraines any better. Have you also heard for a guy called Dr Joe Dispenza? I’m sure he can help you as he has helped me so much. He retrains your brain through meditation. His book “You are the placebo” helped me hugely! Stay strong and keep fighting. You will win the war!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi friend! Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I love meditating! It’s always a work in progress though. 🙂 I’ve read your blog so I have heard his name before. I just checked my local library and they have a copy of “You are the placebo.” Looks like I have some reading/learning to do!! I will never give up the good fight. ❤ Hope you are well!
      -Kelly

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s great. Let me know how you get on with his book. It’s a great read. Look him up on YouTube too as his testimonials will inspire you. Sending healing thoughts your way.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you!! I absolutely LOVE the book so far! I wrote a new blog post and mentioned it. 🙂 Thanks for the healing thoughts! Sending you some as well!
          -Kelly

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Wow I am soooooo pleased for you. It’s helped me so much and I know it will help you too. If you can ever get to one of his workshops I so recommend it. Have you bought one of his cd’s yet to start the meditations? 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

          2. I also saw that Tony Robbins documentary. He is so inspiring.

            Liked by 1 person

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