The “Concerned” Family Member just wants to “help”

What is it about a seemingly innocent suggestion from a “concerned” family member who just wants to “help” that can send me into a spiral of guilt, self-loathing, and tears?

I imagine I am not the only one to experience this.

I’ve read tons of articles about how to prevent migraines.  I’m sure you’ve heard these tidbits before too.  I sigh with relief when one doesn’t apply to me.  “Quit smoking cigarettes”… well, I’ve never smoked cigarettes ever in my life, so SWEET!  Done and done!  “Maintain a healthy weight”… okay, cool, I’ve been doing that for my whole life, so SWEET!  Done and done!

Sometimes, a suggestion hits too close to home…

“Maintain a consistent sleep schedule.  Go to bed at a decent hour, and figure out your magic number of hours of sleep, like 7 or 8, and stick to it.”

Well F*ck.

I’ve had insomnia my entire life, and I have SO much anxiety surrounding bedtime.  I wish I was a better sleeper, but it is truly difficult for me.

So when a “concerned” family member points out this fact to me for the MILLIONTH time, what did I do?  I said that “it’s hard for me, but I guess I could try.”  And then I locked myself in my room and cried and spiraled into that guilt/self-loathing pit.

I have no idea how the f*ck do that.  And this person wants me to control the very thing that has eluded me my whole life?  And is basically blaming the fact that I am in horrible pain right now (and for the last 15 years, up and down) on something that they are basically saying is my fault?

Grrrrrrrr.

And one of the worst parts of it all?  …  They could be right.

F*ck.

I don’t know what to do.  Try harder, I guess?  See a sleep psychologist?  I don’t know.

In too much pain to play this game right now.

 

P.S.  My vacation was GREAT!  Much too short…and I only had a couple of attacks, that were managed well with pain medication.

 

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