Migraine: A Serious Neurological Disease

I’m not feeling good today.

I have fallen into a depressed migraine state: when the agonizing pain has lessened but not gone away… when my whole body hurts… when my depression and anxiety is super high… when I feel so completely misunderstood by everyone… my family and especially at my job.

I get that I look normal, especially on days when I can somewhat function.  But I have to admit that I am not normal.  I HAVE A SERIOUS NEUROLOGICAL DISEASE.  It’s not a headache. Repeat: This is not just a headache!!!!

And it’s hard (for even me) to comprehend how I can be such a polar person: sometimes, I am the happy and full of energy woman who is capable of taking on the world.  Other times, I am the migraine self where I fall into an abyss of pain and misery.

So when the transition happens, I find that I have to explain myself over and over again. Yes, both of these personalities are me.  I can flip modes at any time, at any SECOND, because I can get hit with a pain scale 10 attack out of nowhere.

But this shouldn’t be a surprise, nor seem so out of the blue.  THIS IS A REPEATING PATTERN FOR THE LAST 14 or 15 YEARS OF MY LIFE.  I’ve been like this for ALL of my TEENAGED AND ADULT LIFE.

Ugh. 

I am extremely jealous right now. Jealous that others around me are normal.  Free of this pain and misery that I deal with more days than not.

Some days, like today, I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say I QUIT THIS MIGRAINE LIFE.  I WANT TO BE NORMAL!
But that is not my journey.

Apparently, this Migraine life is my journey.

So I will keep explaining about this Invisible Disease that I have and I will do my best to educate people about it.  This is real and it really sucks.

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4 responses

  1. I too have been having an extremely time dealing with this invisible illness that sucks the life right out of you leaving an empty shell of a person. When you have such long attacks you forget how to live because I find the only way to deal anymore is to be numb

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    1. I’m so sorry friend! At least we are in this fight together. You have me on your side, fighting the good fight with you.
      -Kelly

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m the same – I can be so happy and confident one minute then suddenly the pain goes off the scale and I slump into a spell of deep depression. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to the fluctuating nature of my moods, it’s just a case of riding out the dark times and hoping for the light sooner rather than later… I’m sorry you are having such a hard time of it and I hope you migraine passes asap…

    Like

    1. Exactly! It’s a constant ride on the ups and downs of a roller coaster. Just have to hold on to the hope that things will get better. I’m lucky to have some good moments in between all the pain.

      Thank you for your comment! I don’t feel so alone. You really understand (which sucks pain-wise!), but it’s nice to have a friend who gets it.

      -Kelly

      Liked by 1 person

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