I’m not feeling good today.
I have fallen into a depressed migraine state: when the agonizing pain has lessened but not gone away… when my whole body hurts… when my depression and anxiety is super high… when I feel so completely misunderstood by everyone… my family and especially at my job.
I get that I look normal, especially on days when I can somewhat function. But I have to admit that I am not normal. I HAVE A SERIOUS NEUROLOGICAL DISEASE. It’s not a headache. Repeat: This is not just a headache!!!!
And it’s hard (for even me) to comprehend how I can be such a polar person: sometimes, I am the happy and full of energy woman who is capable of taking on the world. Other times, I am the migraine self where I fall into an abyss of pain and misery.
So when the transition happens, I find that I have to explain myself over and over again. Yes, both of these personalities are me. I can flip modes at any time, at any SECOND, because I can get hit with a pain scale 10 attack out of nowhere.
But this shouldn’t be a surprise, nor seem so out of the blue. THIS IS A REPEATING PATTERN FOR THE LAST 14 or 15 YEARS OF MY LIFE. I’ve been like this for ALL of my TEENAGED AND ADULT LIFE.
I am extremely jealous right now. Jealous that others around me are normal. Free of this pain and misery that I deal with more days than not.
Some days, like today, I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say I QUIT THIS MIGRAINE LIFE. I WANT TO BE NORMAL!
But that is not my journey.
Apparently, this Migraine life is my journey.
So I will keep explaining about this Invisible Disease that I have and I will do my best to educate people about it. This is real and it really sucks.