I’m Going to Give Up…

I’m going to give up this facade: the facade that I am “fine” and “normal.”

I can’t live that pretend life anymore. I keep slipping and reverting back to pretending, and it’s not helping me.

I’ve been having too many bad pain days lately. Part of my new normal is getting out of denial and trying to learn acceptance.  The truth is, I face many days of excruciating pain, and Non-Migraineurs have nooooo cluuuuuue how I feel. How hard my life is. How horrible this disease is. I can’t pretend to be normal. I’m done. Something is really wrong with me, even if my tests come back “normal.”

I’m done hiding it, because I’m only hurting myself. And I just have to say “Eff it” to what everyone else thinks.  I’m scared that I’ll look weak or over-dramatic, but I should stop trying to be a mind reader.  I don’t really know what they are thinking.  And other people aren’t in my shoes either. They aren’t feeling my pain. I’m not going to just suck it up anymore.

The people around me are stressing me out, especially at work.  They want me to keep up with my coworkers, the normal people. I get it. I’m not meeting their expectations. So what now?

Honesty.

Accepting that these Migraines aren’t going away anytime soon.

Accepting that these Migraines are a disability, even if my symptoms are invisible to the outside world.

The only way to help people understand what I’m going through is by explaining it, not by hiding it.

 

"but you don't look sick"

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