I am trying to focus more on the present moment by recognizing all of the things I am doing day to day to take care of myself. Honestly, I find it difficult not to base my emotions on my pain.
Like I said in my last post: “I’m trying a new thing, where I don’t base my idea of “getting better” on the amount (or lack) of pain I feel.” If I base my happiness on the outcome (which I can’t control), I am destined to be controlled by my moods (and boy, do those moods swing HIGH and LOW!). Well, it’s time to get that control back. Little by little.
I try to step outside of myself and my thoughts. I recognize that I am in pain, but I just let the emotions wash over me, without being too involved or judging them.
I say to myself, “Okay, I don’t feel good today. It is out of my control. But I can do things for myself to take care of myself. I can do things that make me happy despite being in pain.”
I am feeling gratitude for being alive, even in this painful existence. I am growing into this identity–my own version of normal– instead of pretending that I am “normal” and don’t have this invisible disease. It’s a slow process, but I’m learning more each day. Being in denial was oh so lonely. This illness (Chronic Migraine) doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. So here I am, stepping into the light, and learning acceptance. 🙂