Doctors want migraneurs to figure out their triggers and do everything in our power to avoid migraine pain. So let’s play detective and figure out why I have a migraine today:
1. Lack of sleep (I had a restless night last night, even though I was exhausted)
2. Stress (Work was long and stressful yesterday)
3. Fluorescent lighting (at work)
4. Loud noise and loud music playing (at work)
5. On my feet and running around all day
6. Was it something I ate?
7. Was it from my hormones being wacky?
Was it just one thing? Or was it all 7 things combined? Am I overlooking a trigger? Was there anything I could have done to prevent the migraine?
I guess I could have prevented the migraine by:
-Getting good sleep (through some kind of magical pill I don’t have in my possession)
-Missing work yesterday (but then I wouldn’t have made money to support myself)
-I could have eaten different foods (although that’s not something I could have known in advance)
-I could have controlled my hormones (oh wait, I can’t….)
It all feels out of my control, honestly.
Hey doctors, guess what? I couldn’t prevent the migraine. I don’t know what caused it. My migraines don’t talk to me and tell me why they appear. It’s all just a random guessing game.
Hey doctors, guess what? The migraines aren’t my fault. I’m trying to do everything I can, but I am only human with an invisible disease and I really have no way of knowing if any of these triggers are real. And even if they are, how am I supposed to prevent the triggers from occurring? I can’t control every little thing in my life. I can’t go back in time and change anything. It is what it is.
Hey doctors, how about instead of stressing about triggers, I relax? How about instead of trying to blame me for causing the migraine, you just tell me that I don’t have control and that I am doing my best.
Hey doctors, I’m putting my foot down today. I refuse to feel any blame or guilt about this pain. I am going to take medicine and take care of myself and not worry about this anymore.
I release the stress. I release the blame. I release the guilt.
I didn’t cause the migraine. It just happens. I get them a lot. It’s probably random coincidence. Or 7 triggers that I can’t control because I am not a mind reader or a fortune teller or a magician.
I wish I could talk to my migraines and ask them why they appear on some days but not other days, but they won’t answer me.
Unnecessary anger. Must let it go.
And maaaaybe doctors don’t purposefully try to blame us or place any guilt on us. They are just trying to help us. (Although it’s not just doctors. Sometimes the family contributes too.) Or maybe I just have an anger problem. Maybe I’m not so good at dealing with my issues.
Life is weird right now.
I’m overwhelmed at the moment with my whole list. I thought maybe it was helping. Maybe it did help for a little bit. Or maybe it was coincidence.
Will I ever have any answers?
All my blood tests and my CT scan came back normal. NORMAL! Yay for being “normal.” …Except I have this horrible migraine demon that attacks me all the time.