Today, I was sitting outside in the sun, just hanging out with my thoughts–not getting mad, or involved, or judging them– just seeing where my mind went to.
I came upon this important realization: It’s easy to build up walls and distract yourself from everything. A lot of the time, I don’t want to be alone with myself. I constantly need to be distracted from my own negativity. I can see why in the past, I have been so happy when I was busy, or happy when I was working full-time and having a full social life. I never had to deal with my own self. I wanted to accomplish a lot because I wanted to feel like a worthy person; like I have a meaningful life.
… but I DO have a meaningful life. Right now. In this moment. In every moment. In every second that I am alive, I am a worthy person. Even when I was a helpless baby, or when I was a student, and now as an adult. Worthy, worthy, worthy. And I don’t have to prove my existence or validate my existence.
I am here, in the now, making the best choices that I can. I matter to people. I matter to my family. I matter to my friends. I matter to my Significant Other.
There is no need to beat myself up over mistakes. There is no need for me to beat myself up over the past. There’s no need to punish myself with any guilt I have. Life is what it is. I just have to trust that I am on the right path, because I can only connect the dots after each experience happens.