Warning: this is a depressing rant today…
I feel so alone right now. I am so tired of being the sick person all the time.
Yet I look so “normal” on the outside.
Is it terrifying or comforting to think about the fact that we’re all going to die someday?
I feel like I’m not even living at this point. I’m barely surviving. Barely scraping by.
I don’t want to die… I just want to be saved.
Today is another day of trying to survive a migraine attack. I was thisclose to going to the hospital in the middle of the night last night.
I hate middle of the night migraine attacks.
The ones that keep you from falling asleep.
And there’s no distraction … just really intense, throbbing, unbearable pain.
I took more pain medicine, 2 Benadryls, and a fresh ice pack from the freezer. I told myself, If I’m not asleep in an hour, I’ll go to the hospital.
Luckily, I fell asleep. And even though I’ve been in pain all day, I’ve been surviving.
On another note, it’s been a really hard few months for me to have a normal life. What is normal life? I don’t even know. I was having migraine attacks almost every day in August. Then I caught a horrid cold for pretty much all of September. And then at the end of September when I was just *barely* over the cold virus thingy… guess what happened?
I got appendicitis and had emergency surgery.
Spent 4 days in the hospital.
Did you know that after surgery, you have to move around so you don’t get pneumonia? My unlucky azz got a HORRIBLE migraine and was stuck in bed the day after surgery. So I was at risk for catching pneumonia. My fever spiked and the pain was out of control. On the fourth day, the fever was down, the migraine was calming down, and I was sent home to recover.
So I’ve been recovering from surgery for all of October.
And how does November start?
A horrible migraine attack.
It’s getting really hard to see the point of life.
I’ve had some good moments here and there… I’m actually taking 2 college courses and doing well (despite all this crapola)…
but I’m frustrated.
I feel like I can’t catch a break.
And the people around me just don’t understand. They all go about their day, not having to worry about shiz. They all have such normal lives.
What is normal life?
I don’t know anymore.
I’ve never been more depressed and I’ve never had to fight my brain so hard to stay here.
It’s just really freaking hard.
I haven’t been writing because Life keeps throwing curve-balls at me.
I will update soon.
Sending everyone lots of love and good healing vibes ❤
This month has been rough for me. It started out with a week straight of migraine attacks. And then I got a horrible cold/cough/runny nose/sore throat virus that has me stuck at home and incredibly ill for 3 weeks straight. I’m barely sleeping.
I am so bored.